« Why Republicans Lost the Election | Main | Is Near-Death Experience a Glimpse of a Portal Into the Hereafter? »
Friday
Sep162011

I Figured Out What Women Want!

As someone who was in the dating arena for most of the past summer and who has also tried online dating, I am pretty sure that I have figured out what women want. This conclusion is drawn from several experiences as well as reading plenty of women’s online dating profiles.

If I had a dime for every time I heard a woman complain about how some man was all hands on the first date I would be loaded. On the other hand (no pun intended) I usually play it conservative on the first date and seldom make any moves. This more often than not ends up getting me written off by my dates as not being interested in them. It is a classic case of not being able to win.

One young lady texted a picture of her breasts to me. I was a bit surprised and wasn’t sure how to respond. I was concerned that in this day and age of social media my response could have ended up on her Facebook page, so I played it close to the vest and simply said, “that’s nice.” She intimated that such a lackluster reaction was in her opinion a sign of my suppressed homosexuality.

Going by my experience the most talked about and desired characteristic by women within online profiles was a sense of humor. Women seem to be inclined to enjoy pleasure and frivolity which is probably how many of them end up with idiots. I would be willing to bet that most men who are morons are also good at sex largely because they do not have the capacity to contemplate much else. This is not to say that a theoretical physicist can’t be funny but jokes about wormholes only go so far.

The second most desired quality that I ran across in women’s profiles was that of honesty. I find it curious that this was second to a good sense of humor. What struck me with some of the profiles were the stern warnings that many women posted as headlines, “No Liars, Cheaters, or Players.” Isn’t this kind of like posting a “No Shoplifting” sign at the entrance of a store? Is a thief really going to say to himself, “Oh my, I guess shoplifting isn’t allowed here?” If anything posting over the top warnings against liars on your profile probably indicates that you have been a sucker many times before and will be again.

The third most sought-after trait that I found while perusing women’s profiles was that of being spontaneous. Women seem to yearn for an aptitude for creating moments of desirable discoveries by accident. Something on the order of a last minute trip during which a wonderful restaurant is found nestled in the country overlooking a magnificent sunset.

So, my conclusion is that what women desire is a man who acts interested in her but not too interested, pays proper homage to her breasts, is a laugh a minute, is honest about his cheating and playing, and will do all of these things at a moment’s notice.

Got it.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend